Friday, November 5, 2010

Bridezilla is Not as She Appears

Before getting engaged, I used to think those shows about Bridezillas or monster brides or whatever you want to call them were ridiculous. I always thought, "Well, this is the happiest time of their lives. Why get so bent out of shape? And are there really that many crazy control-freak women out there?"

After being engaged for less than 8 months, I've discovered the truth behind these crazy women that freak out at the caterers, scream at the DJs and threaten to call the wedding off over an error by the florist. The truth is: these women were not like this before planning their weddings. And these women are not just letting the fact they are the attention-getting brides go to their heads. No, these women are this way because the wedding industry has made them so. *

I have paid for a reception - only to have everyone at that business declare they have no idea who I am. I have been told that I must buy a dress without ever actually getting to try it on in my size. I have been told I can't return the dress if it doesn't fit once I get it in my size. I have been told I have to pay a fee to a venue to have a wedding cake. I have been told one price, and then given another with 21% service charges added on. I've been given a "final price" and then told everything that was presumed included is actually additional. I have been told I can pick any room I want for my reception, later to be told I will be put in this room and I can't change. I have been directed to registry websites that only let you add from a small selection of items from the website, without pictures or descriptions, of course. I have tried to get a price quote from a DJ - only to have him send me 4 e-mails about his references ... and no price quote.

In any other industry, this would not stand. These people would be out of business. But because of that stupid image of the perfect wedding that has been tucked away in the back of every bride's mind her entire life, she must endure the rudeness, the flakiness, the odd rules, the bitchy vendors. If she doesn't, she won't have that dream wedding. So she deals with them in the only way that seems to have any effect.

And you know how you deal with these people? Do you know what it takes to make them understand that you will not be screwed over? Well, you can elope. lol That would be the best decision. But if that's not an option, you have to go ape-shit on them. You have to turn into Bridezilla because you know that no one else is going to fight this battle for you. Polite phone calls and e-mails go unanswered. Simple, friendly questions are skipped over. Reasonable requests are laughed at.

No, what you have to do to survive amongst the onslaught of wedding vendors that wish to take advantage of you is threaten to take your business elsewhere - or threaten to call off the wedding, lol. Or you have to go above their heads and get furious and argue and point out faults and get to the point where your irritable bowel syndrome or ulcer or migraine or whatever ailment this craziness has caused you threatens to make you so uncomfortable sometimes you feel like you might explode. And then you have to go and do it all over again with the next vendor so you can check off the next item on your list. Again and again and again.

Screw the happiest time of our lives. This is Tokyo honey, and you, the bride, have got to toughen up your skin and go climb that building. And if a few extras get stomped or eaten in the process ... well, just remember: they made you this way. They are the ones that created this monster.

*I do want to call out that not everyone in the wedding industry is bad. I've met with and talked to a few really wonderful people that have gone out of their ways to make this a pleasant process. But for everyone else, I stand by my opinion.